When Ducks Cry or Why I Sometimes Hate The Natural World

Regardless of my love of camping, and other outdoor pursuits, there are times when I loathe nature. Nature can be messy and primal. Working seven years in Yellowstone did not soften me toward nature. While I enjoyed glimpses of wildlife from afar, I never got over my annoyances with the common aspects of nature that I could not escape: mosquito season, allergy season, birds that have the audacity to sing, squirrels that make that awful squirrely noise. These are my big nature pet peeves. Recently, in the domesticated world of Bozeman, Montana, I have developed a new pet peeve:

Duck Love.

I work at Montana State University, a beautiful, a tidy little campus with great views of the Bridger Mountains. I can see the mountains from my office window, and until recently, I have cherished my view. My change of heart hinges on one thing:

Duck Love.

Our campus features a duck pond and often the ducks venture from their little pond and come by my ground-level window in search of human snacks. Often times the ducks will shadow my movements and walk with me as I go from desk to mini fridge hunting for a snack. They have learned not expect a snack. This is no tragedy. If they walk just 50 yards from here they will have all the day-old-bread they desire.

I can handle their begging, their tapping, their shadowing, their passive aggressive pleading. Guilt does not work on me, unless you are a small child. I am impervious to begging ducks. What I can not handle is duck mating season, and unfortunately it has arrived.

Duck Love.

It is not something anyone really wants to witness. . . .and yet, get ready . . . these little webbed waddlers have brought the burlesque show to my window, sullying my view.

Now working in Yellowstone I learned that I was visitor in the back yard of wildlife. So when I cursed at the birds that mocked me with their happy songs as I climbed up Elephantback Mountain all out of breath and cranky, I tried to keep my grumbling playful. When the squirrels woke me at 4 am by dancing on my cabin roof, I tried to keep a fresh perspective?OK, fine I yelled at them, but for crying out loud, 4 in the morning!

Similarly, I really do not think I should have to tolerate Duck Love on a college campus. I know it is nature, it is what they do, it is blah, blah, blah . . .

What it really is, is ducks outside my window partying to the Marvin Gaye classic: Let?s Get It On. These lusty little lotharios do not need a nonprofit, people! They are doing plenty to ensure they stay Unlimited. Meanwhile, I am captive in my office trying to divert the attention of a now horrified prospective student and her family who have traveled here from some place wholesome, where ducks have boundaries.

Duck Love, People.

It is Out There. Beware.

Priorities in Life?.

Priorities in Life . . .


A friend just called me said he's looking at taking a film documentary class in Maine this summer. He's older, (well older than me) and doesn?t have much computer experience, hasn't held a video camera before and really knows this will be a huge stretch in the learning curve and financially. He's at that stage of weighing the options and reaching out to friends for advice and input.


The last friend he spoke with highly recommended he put the money in the kitchen cabinets that are rather holey in places. ?Wouldn't spending the money on your home improvements be much more ?valuable? than a month-long class??


So here I was ? asked for my feedback and yet I know he knew the answer before he even placed the call. This visceral need to do something unique and important is in his heart and he must follow it. In fact, I'm honored he shared the story because it's a reminder to me as well.


Years ago, I distinctly remember looking around at my Goodwill furnishings thinking how nice it would be to sit on a chair that didn?t have matted down cushions. Or maybe it was that advertisement on TV that told me that my home would look so much nicer if?. But, then I asked myself about that trip to New Zealand? It didn't take long to decide, and for the month of November that year I explored the two islands and hiked to my heart and mental health's content. No regrets!


I have found, as I get older, that fewer adventures are presented to me and yet I'd like to say I'm pretty confident which I'd choose. It takes guts to quit your routine. To choose a life that may not fit into what others consider a ?good? investment of time and/or money and yet what would happen to my inner voice if I didn't?


Will I put myself in harms way? I sure hope not. But I have to say each time I choose for growth, I find myself rewarded. I meet others who have chosen this path as well. I like being surrounded by this group ? it makes me feel more at home.


I keep this quote by Harold Thurman Whitman posted up where I can see it daily?.


"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

A Matter of Life and Death

Since life is cyclical and includes death, it is impossible to find meaning in it using reason and logic. One must be tuned into the flow of the life energy and enjoy one's existence; then the value is self-evident. And I felt after this experience like a surfer riding with great joy the wave of life. -Stan Grof
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Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -Helen Keller
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People "die" all the time in their lives. Part of them died when they made the wrong kinds of decision - decisions against life. Sometimes they died bit by bit until finally they were just living corpses walking around. If you were perceptive you could see it in their eyes; the fire had gone out. But you always know when you make a decision against life. When you denied life you were warned. The cock crowed, always, somewhere inside you. The door clicked and you were safe inside -safe and dead. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

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Once one is prepared to make their life a journey of exploration and growth, then everything indeed becomes grist for the mill. And a spectre must be dealt with, who looms ahead with his skull-backed grin and threatens to throw a monkey wrench into the whole works: Death. One has to incorporate the phenomena of mortality into one's paradigm and psyche before moving onward. Sort of like contracting a metaphysical lease before being allowed to move fully into the property.

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Life is not lost by dying! Life is lost, minute by minute, day by dragging day, In all the thousand, uncaring ways, the smooth appeasing compromises of time. Life can be... Lost without vision but not by death, Lost by not caring. -Stephen Vincent Benet

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There's Tarzan captured in the land of the Fire Queen and ready to be sacrificed. He's tied up hand and foot and being carried up to the sacrificial altar. He's surrounded by 5,000 of these fierce beast-like characters and a knife is about to be plunged into his throat and somebody says to him, 'My God Tarzan, why are you smiling?' And Tarzan says, 'Because I am alive.' quoted by Dick York


Last week I was driving in the mountains when a large truck began drifting into my lane. Forced onto the icy shoulder, I respectively lost traction and control as my vehicle began to spin.
And you know what thought ran through my mind? "Cool, now I have something for this week's blog.' No, not really. The next piece of time was spent with instincts and reflexes; cognition didn't play a major part.
The car slammed head-on into the median divider, continued its spin, and when it was pointing west again I somehow managed to regain control. Partly skill and partly luck, and even Las Vegas couldn't compute the odds on how much was which.
When I pulled over to the side, none of my passengers (nor myself) had so much as a scratch. Even the vehicle had only a flattened front bumper and a blast of cold air where a window had been. A minor (or maybe not so minor) miracle. It could have been soooo much worse....
What a wonderful reminder!
Our mortality is a truth, and its certainty can be a reference point for how our life is to be lived. Without a genuine acknowledgement of death, the dimensions of this existence become smaller and less vital. Near misses can remind us that life isn't a rehearsal (at least, I don't think it is), and that there are no second chances. Opportunities lost and moments unappreciated.... they remain just that. They're gone.
The Dalai Lama said something to the effect that 'the key to happiness is being aware of not having a toothache.' In other words, being appreciative of all the things that are going right; not just fixating on what is going wrong.
Do you mind a segway here? I want to switch gears from the general topic of life appreciation and focus on the wandering life that seems to have become my path.
When I first began to ramble, I was always the youngest one in the youth hostel and the youngest one around the campfire. That hasn't been the case for some time now. And as I grow older, some people express concern for my future; my retirement, my lack of insurance, the non-existent nest-egg, etc..
Hmmmm.....
I bought a car once, for a thousand dollars. Two weeks later I was reimbursed $1,200 for mileage after driving it cross-country to a new job. At that point, the car's longevity was gravy. I'd already gotten my money's worth and then some.
Same thing with my life. Although I'm not so cavalier about the longevity bit, it has already been a good life. I've been healthy, I've loved and been loved, I've spent time in nature, and I have been blessed with a wide array of meaningful times and adventures.
I have had wonderful friends, both of long and short duration, and have spent peak times in their presence.
You know what else gets me high? The little things. Passing smiles and small acts of kindness. Someone waving me ahead in a traffic jam. A warm interaction with a convenience store clerk. Trivial perhaps, but they leave me emotionally buoyant.
Anyway, I have had long periods of time without a toothache.
I have followed a path that (while not without mistakes) has for me been imbued with meaning and with heart. I haven't put off my dreams to create an illusion of security for a future that may not come. As the greeting card says: 'If you only live in the past and future, you never get to open your present.'
And now, with an appreciation of mortality and enough years under my belt, I can genuinely say that the rest is gravy.
Let me quickly add a modified childhood prayer:
If I should die before I wake,
I'll shout to God,
Mistake! Mistake!
It may be gravy, but to quote Oliver Twist, 'Please sir, may I have some more?
"Thank you! Thank you!" -last words of D.T.Suzuki

Past and Present Paper

My husband, one-year old daughter and I have been in Beijing now for seven whole months. I work at an International school with children ages 1-3 and my husband is studying acrobatics at the National Acrobatic School. My daughter comes with me each day to school and attends the class next door to mine. Spring has sprung here in Beijing and it feels so good to wear only one layer of clothing. It is a time for new beginnings and I am definitely having some new experiences here in Beijing.

One of our friends here in Beijing is a young man named Jimmy. He used to study acrobatics at the same school where my husband Pancho is currently studying. He has helped us with many things in Beijing, including where to find fabric stores, costume designers, good dumpling restaurants and he also loves to visit and take care of our daughter Denya.

Jimmy recently surprised me with a phone call asking if I would like to study paper cutting. The Chinese use thin paper and cut intricate designs to make beautiful scenes come to life. These works of art are made for any and all times of year, although they are particularly popular during Chinese New Year when paper cutters busily prepare red cuttings with depictions of the animal sign for the coming year (this year is the year of the Dog). Many families hang these paper cuttings on their windows during the Spring Celebration as a warning to keep evil spirits away. Paper cutting has developed into such an amazing craft that often when you see a well cut design it is impossible to imagine someone cutting the tiny details and weaving them into such a beautiful piece of artwork.

I had never expressed an interest in learning the age old craft so Jimmy?s question took me off guard. Luckily, he had called on a day when I was feeling quite open and adventurous. I agreed. He told me that the lessons would be with an elderly woman who had been like a grandmother to him as a child. She didn?t know at the time that Jimmy was offering her services. Jimmy?s proposal became an unbelievable opportunity for me.

My paper master is named Ms. Lee. She has been studying English recently. She told Jimmy that she wished she could speak with a native English speaker because she finds it hard to practice her English with her family and friends since not many of them speak English. Jimmy thought that it would be great to create an exchange where she could share her expertise and in return speak with me during the lessons in English. Ms. Lee is learning English because she will be asked to speak at the 2008 Olympic Games being held here in Beijing. She will be making an amazing contribution to the Games and Athletes. She is creating a book filled with gorgeous paper cuttings for each of the countries that will visit Beijing during the 2008 Olympics. Each book contains approximately 20 cuttings and she tells me that she can finish about two cuttings each day. The first time I visited her home I watched her hands carefully and skillfully snip tiny details into a piece of paper that revealed two childhood friends speaking at the edge of a balcony. I was in awe.

That first day Jimmy accompanied me to Ms. Lee?s home. She showed me her cuttings and told me about her Olympic dream. The slogan One World One Dream was what first made her think of sharing her art with the world. She believes strongly in peace and unity across the globe. She wants to share her dream with the whole World. To me, it seems that her cuttings are dreams materialized. I asked her who had taught her to master this timeless art and to my surprise she replied that she had never had a teacher. She had loved paper cutting from the first moment she saw a beautiful design hanging in a window and she became absorbed with teaching herself to cut like the masters.

What came next was quite a shock for me. She handed me a piece of paper and told me to cut it into a design. She said that she wanted to see if I had the ability necessary to pursue the cutting art. A test!? I was so nervous and I asked myself what would happen if I did not pass her test? would she send me home? Would she tell me that I was incapable of being taught her skill? I nervously and shakily cut a small curvy, modern type design and handed it over for inspection. I felt like I was at a job interview. She smiled and told me that I had a steady hand and that I would make a good paper cutter. I humbly thanked her and watched as she effortlessly drew a design of flowers and vines onto paper and told me to cut it out. That first cut was tedious, and painstakingly slow. I was so conscious of her eyes on my hands and of Jimmy waiting to see the final result. Once or twice I poked myself with the super sharp scissors she gave me. When we opened up my finished work I glowed with pride. It was so simple and yet so beautiful. Ms. Lee gave a wonderful smile and told me that it was very good. She handed me a stack of paper and with the help of Jimmy?s translation she told me to do one cutting each day and bring them to her next week. I nodded and at that moment, almost without my knowing it, I agreed to become a paper cutting student.

Another shocking discovery I made about Ms. Lee is that she wakes up every morning at six o?clock so she can learn English from a program on the Radio. She has never attended classes and never had a teacher. I am amazed.

I have now been to Ms. Lee?s house three times. Every Sunday I take my bike early in the morning to meet her at her tiny apartment where we do our best to understand one another. Jimmy does not accompany me. It is better because Ms. Lee must speak in English as my Chinese is still very basic. We talk about our families and hometowns, we talk about being teachers (she was a teacher) and about life in today?s crazy world. The last time I went to her house she told me again about her OneWorld One Dream beliefs. She believes that every person in the world must be entitled to an education if the One Dream is to succeed. She mentioned that Africa is the place where education is not becoming reality fast enough and that too many people are more interested in guns than books. Ms. Lee is a visionary. She is a woman who refuses to accept the way it is and believes that change is possible, necessary and wonderful.

I have left out one small detail. What I haven?t told you is that Ms. Lee is 95 years old.

Who are we?

Since the beginning of this year we - Katja (German) and Augustas (Lithuanian) - started our journey with the name "Follow the road". So far we have explored the South of Mexico, and a little bit of Belize, but our dream is to see the rest of the world. During the trip we do not have any expectations, no matter where we go or what we do. We have no time limits, so we have no reasons to create plans, which would only raise useless expectations. We believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason. That is why any experience - be it good or bad - is valuable to us. All above requires us always to think positively. We travel only by hitch-hiking as we believe in the basic goodness of people.

This was a brief collection of our ideas for life. But the following will give you a little closer look at who we are and how it came we are on our "Follow the road" trip.

Katja:

Growing up in a six-head family without a father, as the oldest daughter, I became the second adult in our family when I was seven. It meant lots of responsibilities in the family, which did not leave space for me to grow like other children. Moreover, two years later I gave up all my friends, because none of them showed up for my birthday party, even though they were invited. I was a lonely child.

With the age of fifteen I changed my spare time activities from apparatus gymnastic and dancing to karate and fitness. This created for me a new environment to grow. I became rebellious. I recognised that having a lot of responsibilities at home was not good for my personal development. Thus, being eighteen I moved out. I got a job in a bank, did cleaning of apartments, later on I got a position in a housing office and worked as a cashier during the weekends.

I was not happy. I needed a change, something completely different! I finished my first long-term relationship and quit my job. I decided to move from my home town Leipzig to Berlin. Here I started studies in the high school. Life in Berlin was not easy. I broke my meniscus, three surgeries followed, I could hardly walk for two years. One day I found my apartment burned down because of a short-circuit in the old wire installations. Berlin brought me a lot of challenges...

After the high school I signed up for the Industrial Engineering and Management studies. Shortly after I went to The Netherlands for a two-weeks cultural exchange event, where I got the travel bug. Being active in a European student association, I travelled extensively around Europe. I also attended two intensive language courses in Spain and later was accepted to have 1 year exchange studies in Zaragoza, Spain.

After an internship in the West of Germany, I moved to Zaragoza. Instead of studying, I started to work in an Irish pub. This way I quickly learned Spanish, made a lot of friends, had fun, did a lot of creative things and found out what I really want: to travel the world.
I had to finish my studies, so I knew it will take me about three years to realise my dream. I had to learn about cheap ways of travelling. I searched information about hitch-hiking and signed for a database of free accommodation - www.HospitalityClub.org. Through this website I met Augustas who had the same dream as me...


Augustas:

At the school I always enjoyed Mathematics. I thought of studying this subject in the university. Finally I started the Computer Science studies as it was more fashionable and, as people said, more perspective. As soon as I enrolled to the university I felt I need something more adventurous for my free time.

Once in the newspaper I found an article inviting to the presentation of Vilnius Hitch-hiking Club (Vilnius is the capital of Lithuania). It was a new organisation, which I joined immediately after the event. Soon I became one of the most active members of this club. Sometimes I was escaping my afternoon work, or classes at the university, in order to have three days off during the weekend and to hitch-hike to the neighbouring countries. Seemed I found what I was missing in my life - adventures and exploration of new places.

Today is exactly nine years since I understood what life I want. During all this time, I was combining studies, work and intensive travels. I have been in 43 countries (you know, Europe is full of them :) and have covered about 130'000 km by hitch-hiking, which equals to three journeys around equator. As you see, I love counting ;)


We had 2,5 more years to go until we could realise our dream to travel the world. While Katja was finishing her studies in Spain and Germany, Augustas was working and living in Lithuania, Denmark and South Africa. In 2004 each of us we did a two months trip in African countries. Augustas hitch-hiked through East Africa (Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania, Zambia), and Katja travelled with locals on overcrowded mini-buses and trucks through Southern Africa (Mozambique, Malawi, Zambia).

Katja defended her diploma in November 2005 and we hit the road by making a two-months tour of visiting friends around Europe. On 31 December we booked our flight to Mexico. Since Friday, 13 January 2006 we are simply following the road.

Note to Sara - Been There...

Hey Sara,

I can relate to where you are right now. Working in the travel industry and loving nearly every day of the adventure was on one side of the coin. The other was "home"... a time to unpack boxes and "nest"... a time to connect back with friends and family... a time to feel apart of something for longer than a season...a time to actually meet someone and fall in love. Didn?t the universe, the media, the ?culture? forecast 1.5 children by the time I was?. Years of age? Hah!!!

Eventually I tried to break myself of the habit. It took me nearly a year to adjust. They talk about culture shock in traveling to a remote location but they don't explain the exact same feeling when you finally rent an apartment. for a year's lease and can't get away again. It was confining and when the love of my life didn?t come out of the bus commute and people I met couldn?t relate to my travel adventures?I mourned the clipping of my wings.

Travel is like an addiction and if there is a cure? I don?t know if I?ll ever find one. And truthfully I hope it never finds me.

I used to watch my friends take off on their seasonal ventures and I'd feel like a little part of me was dying inside. Eventually I adapted but truthfully it was very difficult.

Everything I owned could be tossed into a car and moved around if necessary. When I had enough money to buy a couch ? real furniture (not that Goodwill collection) I weighed out the decision?. Buy a couch or take a trip to New Zealand?. Hmmm?Needless to say I went Down Under and followed my soul.

I was extremely fortunate to work for a company that included travel as part of the job. They do exist and you know you will find one ? because it?s in your soul. It?s why CoolWorks rocks! It?s designed for those of us with wandering spirits ? like the elders over the tundra. You will get back to Bethel again ? it may be in 10 years or 20 but you will be able to return some day with the money you saved from another experience (work or otherwise).

And remember ? we are out there. If you need someone to talk to about this? just give a call. I can hook you up with lots and lots of people. Of course, they may want to take you on an adventure as well or just share maps of the world.

Oh and congratulations on the roses. Having lived in remote locations in Alaska I can truly appreciate the dedication it takes to have something like those arrive mid-winter.

Barb