I have to do WHAT?
posted by Emily @ 10:31 PM
Recently I have taken a new job at the university. In this position, I have the incredible good fortune of being able to spend most of my day reading.
While reading is not the sum of my job--I still teach a course, advise students, complete some light admin. work for course enrollment--reading is currently the main focus. It's odd for me to go in to an office, sit down and read. I mean "odd" in a good way. I'm more accustomed to jobs where I run around completing small-to-large tasks that make someone else's job (life?) easier. It's odd because now, I am tasked with my passion: reading.
I'm trying to reconcile the fact that this is just another task like those tasks that filled my days previously: managing others, creating ad copy, helping library patrons find the right book, waiting tables, hauling luggage to guests' rooms. This doesn't feel like a task, though, because it is joy. Even when I spend an hour reading a piece I don't particularly like, it is still joy. Certainly, I have expereinced joy in my other positions, but it was usually fleeting.
Now, I sit down and read and think and every month, I get a pay check for it. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Let's keep it our little secret.
As much as I love this, there is still a level of unease. I feel as if I've hoodwinked my assistant dean and that soon, he'll catch on and give me the boot. Why do I feel like I'm cheating them? Certainly, I have some small tasks to complete, but mostly I am expected to read, take notes, write abstracts and work with a colleague to develop the curriculum for a first-year seminar.
I think the issue is that this is so static. When I sit there and read and take in all words, there is no outward show, no tidy little thing that I have produced. Yes, there might be a small abstract I write for the other adjunct faculty to provide a handy summary, but really, it's all so internal. I'm not used to working in a position where I fell like I am the greatest beneficiary of my "work."
I'm making my peace with this lack of production. I know that this will probably get stale at some point, but right now I'm having a hard time imagining it.
While reading is not the sum of my job--I still teach a course, advise students, complete some light admin. work for course enrollment--reading is currently the main focus. It's odd for me to go in to an office, sit down and read. I mean "odd" in a good way. I'm more accustomed to jobs where I run around completing small-to-large tasks that make someone else's job (life?) easier. It's odd because now, I am tasked with my passion: reading.
I'm trying to reconcile the fact that this is just another task like those tasks that filled my days previously: managing others, creating ad copy, helping library patrons find the right book, waiting tables, hauling luggage to guests' rooms. This doesn't feel like a task, though, because it is joy. Even when I spend an hour reading a piece I don't particularly like, it is still joy. Certainly, I have expereinced joy in my other positions, but it was usually fleeting.
Now, I sit down and read and think and every month, I get a pay check for it. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Let's keep it our little secret.
As much as I love this, there is still a level of unease. I feel as if I've hoodwinked my assistant dean and that soon, he'll catch on and give me the boot. Why do I feel like I'm cheating them? Certainly, I have some small tasks to complete, but mostly I am expected to read, take notes, write abstracts and work with a colleague to develop the curriculum for a first-year seminar.
I think the issue is that this is so static. When I sit there and read and take in all words, there is no outward show, no tidy little thing that I have produced. Yes, there might be a small abstract I write for the other adjunct faculty to provide a handy summary, but really, it's all so internal. I'm not used to working in a position where I fell like I am the greatest beneficiary of my "work."
I'm making my peace with this lack of production. I know that this will probably get stale at some point, but right now I'm having a hard time imagining it.
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1 Comments:
Hey, I feel almost the same here with my job at Cool Works! I can't believe I get paid to do the stuff that I would CHOOSE to do, even if I was unemployed! Of course, that means I spend WAY too much time hunkered down in front of my computer, but it is a passion! (No, not THAT kind of passion!)
Enjoy!
Eric
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