Why I do what I do

"Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore, a warrior must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if he feels that he should not follow it, he must not stay with it under any conditions. His decision to keep on that path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. He must look at every path closely and deliberately. There is a question that a warrior has to ask, mandatorily: Does this path have a heart?

"All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. However, a path without a heart is never enjoyable. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy - it does not make a warrior work at liking it; it makes for a joyful journey; as long as a man follows it, he is one with it." -Carlos Castenada

I noticed that there has been a philosophical trend in the last few blogs, and I'm about to jump on board. Mea culpa; my blog was already written.

My entry is less about what, and more about why; closer to a psycho-social commentary than a travelogue. I won't impede the narrative flow by couching every statement in a disclaimer or justification. But when encountering something that I seem to present as Truth, I suggest you add, 'unless it's not,' under your breath.

If you've clicked on to my profile, you know that I am a traveler; a partially mad nomad. This has been my inclination from a young age, and an oft-visited path in my adulthood. A few year's work, and a few month's travel; a year of travel, and a few month's works. . . . The combinations are myriad.

Following a nontraditional path, I am sometimes asked why I live the way I do. The underlying question is usually not 'why,' but 'why not.' Why don't you have a family? Why don't you have a home? Why don't you have a stable job with lucrative compensation?

So many ways to answer. . . . Especially in a blog, where I am writing generally and not addressing one person's particular form of reference. But, muse along with me here: Why does ANYONE do what they do when it comes to making life choices?

Here are four factors that arbitrarily come to mind (right after a cynical knee-jerk response of laziness, habit, and socio-cultural indoctrination): Security, responsibility, success, and meaning.

First, a paragraph's worth of nod to the cynic. I think that many major life choices are made for the wrong reasons. We don't want to emotionally push ourselves. We find it 'uncomfortable' to move in new mental directions. Or, we are simply going through the motions while living an unexamined life.

I believe that we are in the process of a significant change in human consciousness. And I don't think most people fully appreciate the impact of this shift on our world, our Country, and on our individual selves. Some of the changes are on the surface, but most are in the psyche. We settled into the theatre watching 'American Graffiti,' but the second feature was 'The Matrix.'

We live in a time when existing social structures are less absolute. There are a variety of paradigms on the loose, and ways of viewing our place in this world have expanded significantly.

In this context; words like security, responsibility, success, and meaning become different concepts to different people.

Helen Keller said that, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure." For something that is ultimately nonexistent, I think that the illusion of security often comes with too high a price tag; trading life for existence.

The implications of the word responsibility vary depending on the specific circumstances and the specific people involved in them. I like to restructure the word as 'ability-to-respond: response ability.' This assumes the ability to clearly view a life situation, and the courage to respond accordingly. A response based not on cultural auto-pilot, but on a course of action consistent with our beliefs and values.

Success typically evokes an image of monetary accumulation. Personally, I view this traditional definition as the attractive packaging of an unappealing product. I have no aversion to wealth (c'mon lotto!) if it is a by-product of my chosen life. But to make it my primary life choice would be a tragic waste of something very fleeting and precious. To paraphrase Joseph Campbell: 'Do not spend your entire life climbing the ladder of success only to realize that you had it leaning against the wrong building.'

Meaning. . . . what can I say? That's a topic all its own and then some. I have no convenient label to present. I am not a this or a that. Two things that have been important to me are enjoyment and personal growth, and in travel I have often found them compatibly combined. What else do I get from this nomadic journey? A wide horizon. Possibilities. The everyday magic and synchronicities that come from following a path with heart.

Am I afraid that I'm on the wrong track?

You've probably heard of the infamous 'Chinese water torture.' The victim is immobilized, and single drops of water are rhythmically and repeatedly dropped on his forehead. One drop? No problem. Ten? A hundred? At some point the person goes crazy, each drop a thundering reverberation through his brain.

There's a parallel here, and it's really not a far stretch.

If a person is boxed into a life where everyday is a repeat of the soul-empty day before, at some point that becomes a tortured existence. An endless march through the grey everyday.

What kind of medication exists for this pain? Substances, certainly; food, alcohol, nicotine. . . . Also addictive relationships, accumulation of material possesions. . . . These reponses may deaden the awareness, but they don't heal the wound.

So am I worried that I'm not on track? No, I'm grateful that I'm not on a track where I'm going to be run over by the Existential Express.

"Thomas Merton wrote, 'There is always a temptation to diddle around in the contemplative life, making itsy-bitsy statues.' There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end. It is so self-conscious, so apparently moral, simply to step aside from the gaps where the creeks and winds pour down, saying, I never merited this grace, quite rightly, and then to sulk along the rest of your days on the edge of rage. I won't have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright. We are making hay when we should be making whoopie; we are raising tomatoes when we should be raising Cain, or Lazarus." -Annie Dillard

Whew! Next entry I revert back to the travelogue. Nomad's honor.